Whiskey and Lines
by JLD
Summary: WIP  Post 3X09 - It has been months since homecoming changed everything for Elena Gilbert and Damon Salvatore. When Klaus' unexpected absence leaves Elena & Damon to let their guards down, the next move either makes will change Mystic Falls for good.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**I own nothing. Despite what I may own in my dreams.

**A/N:**I have no idea where this came from. I have not written fan fiction in a long time and this is my first ever attempt at writing for Vampire Diaries. I will forewarn you that the characterization is probably off for both Damon & Elena but this is what my muse gave me to work with. Enjoy!

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><p>I had a moment - just a moment - where I thought about Stefan. I promised Damon that we would let him go and I have - honestly I have. Now when I think of Stefan all I can see if the person that betrayed me; the person that betrayed us. I found a picture of Stefan and I while cleaning out my closet. I thought I had gotten rid of everything; I guess not. The funny thing is that I looked at the picture and I can't remember the last happy memory I have of Stefan. I've come to realize that Stefan has a lot more demons than I ever could have imagined. I would have never guessed that after everything we went through that its Damon here with me instead of him. I would have never guessed that Damon would be the constant in my life - never. He always chooses me - always. It's been difficult to process - the feelings Damon has for me and the ones I have for him - but I have. We have been spending a lot time together. People are asking questions about us. Alaric. Jeremy. Caroline. Bonnie. They all want to know what the deal is with Damon and I. How can I answer that? How do you even begin to define a relationship that has never had a clear definition?<p>

"Elena." It startles me a bit and I jump slightly. "Sorry, I didn't mean..."

"It's okay Ric. What's up?" I close my journal and place it on my pillow.

"Listen, I probably shouldn't be telling you this but despite the fact that Damon is a dick - he should have someone besides me acknowledge that it's his birthday."

"It's his birthday? How did…"

"We drink. We talk. Important dates like birthdays occasionally come up."

"What do you even get a vampire for their birthday? He has everything he could ever want."

Alaric does not say what we are both thinking. Instead, he crosses his arms over his chest and rolls his eyes. "There is an unopened bottle of whiskey on the kitchen counter. I tried to give it to him and that went nowhere so try that."

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it," he says before turning to leave my doorway.

I respect Alaric. He did not have to stick around after Jenna died. He has no obligations to fulfill when it comes to Jeremy and me; but he stayed. He looks out for us and it's nice to have someone doing that while they are fully aware of the supernatural around us. In his own way, he just wants better for us. It's probably why he makes no secret about not being on board with anything that involves Damon and I spending more time alone together. He has told Damon on several occasions to take a beat from whatever this thing is going on between him and me. But despite his concerns, he still does things like this; telling me it's his birthday. Damon and I tend to ignore his concerns. Not because we don't care about what Alaric thinks but the truth is we don't care about what anyone thinks about us. We both know what we are doing – well at least I like to hope we do.

I tuck my journal under my mattress – I know cliché but really if anyone wants to read it they won't stop until they find it. I'll just save them the trouble and keep it in a relatively open place. I don't like the idea of people going through my things. I take the few steps from my bed to my dresser to give myself a look over. Immediately I hate everything about myself. My hair is too straight. My clothes are too plain. My make-up isn't right. Ugh. Why do I even care? It's just Damon. He has seen me in worse than jeans and a tee shirt but it's his birthday. Even if there is no party, I find myself wanting to look special for him.

I walk over to my closet hoping that I'll find something I think is special enough to wear. As I move the hangers holding a small variety of dresses, blouses, and jeans, I find myself wishing I had more clothes. Finally, I come across a purple top I forgot I bought. I pull the garment out and examine it closely. This is it. The purple lace over black with a sweetheart neckline but its sleeveless; not a normal choice for February weather but I've already decided that this is it. I place the top on the bed and go back to the closet to pick out the rest of my ensemble. After a few moments I find a pair of dark denim skinny jeans, my black leather jacket, and my black heeled ankle boots.

I lay everything out on the bed and I wonder if maybe this is too much like something Katherine would wear. Of course Katherine would wear this – it's sexy and a little dangerous. I try really hard not to think about Katherine but it's hard not to think about how I compare to her. Damon always tells me that there is no comparison because Katherine is an evil, cowardly bitch and that makes her a hideous person. It doesn't stop me from thinking that I'm too plain of a girl for anyone to fuss over; especially a 168 year old vampire.

Glancing over at the clock, I see that it's already 5:00. On any other day I would already be at the boarding house but considering today has been sort of strange all around I'm not surprised I've lost most of the day. Between cleaning out my closet for the first time in months and then the picture which lead to the journal then Alaric – it all blends time together. And now I know why Damon hasn't called to check up on my yet today – he's trying to avoid me on his birthday. I make it my personal goal to be out of my house by 6:30 – more than enough time to shower and get ready.

An hour later and I'm officially ready to finish getting ready. My hair is dried and straightened, my make-up has been applied and I'm this close to being out the door. I pad across the short distance from the bathroom to my dresser. I pull a bra and panties out of my top drawer and quickly pull them on. It takes a minute before I realize I've chosen black lace. Caroline once told me that a woman only wears black lace undergarments when they are planning on having sex. So not my intention; despite the fact it's been months for me. This is Damon. I panic and open the drawer again. I starting pulling out a matching red set instead but then I remember Damon pulling these out of my drawer when we were going to Chicago. Ugh this is a no win situation. I stick with the black; no one else is going to be seeing my bra and panties anyway. Who cares what Caroline says about black lace and sex – it's only a theory; not a scientific fact. And this is Damon and me – it's not a big deal. _We're just friends._

_We're just friends_. It's my new mantra. I keep repeating it as I get dressed. I'm not trying to convince myself of anything. I know Damon & I are just friends. It's just sometimes we have these moments where… never mind. I can't think about this right now. I pull on the leather jacket, pull my hair out from underneath the collar, and turn to the mirror. I look over my appearance in great detail – it's still too Katherine for me. Quickly I tug off the leather jacket, go the closet, and choose a black blazer instead. I check myself one more time – this is more me; a little sexy but mostly just plain me with the straight hair, subtle make-up, and no leather. I want Damon to recognize me when I walk through the door – not think of Katherine.

"You look nice," a familiar voice comments from the hall.

"Thanks Jer," I reply as he leans his body against the door frame.

"Going to Damon's?" It comes out less as a question and more as an accusation. Jeremy isn't fond of Damon and I spending time together either but he tends to be less judgmental than Alaric. I think that's in large part because I don't judge him for the choices he made with Bonnie and Anna and Vicky. He has no room to judge for my choices. And Damon is my friend. We aren't dating. _We're just friends_.

"Yes I am," I say grabbing my wristlet and keys from my nightstand. "I don't need permission to go there."

"Not saying you did Elena," he says as he moves aside to let me through. I head down the stairs and he follows. "I'm just wondering why you've been spending so much time with him lately."

"I don't see him that much," I remark as I make my way to the kitchen.

I can hear his footsteps echoing mine as he follows me into the kitchen. "Elena, you are there every day."

"I was there every day before too," I spot the bottle of whiskey on the counter and reach for its neck.

"Yeah, when Stefan was there." And there it was. Blunt. To the point. Out in the open. Here I was thinking Jeremy wasn't going to be judgmental and here he stands before me judging away.

"I'm not having the conversation with you Jer," I secure the bottle in my hand and head for the door. "It's not a good time."

"When is a good time then?" He's still following me. Why tonight of all nights does he decides he wants to have this conversation with me. I'm already on the porch and he keeps talking. "Because I think you're in way over your head with Damon." I stop and turn to him.

"Okay Jeremy, I'm going to say this once and then I want you to drop this." I take a step towards my brother to make sure he hears every word I'm about to say. "Damon and I are friends. I'll even say he's my best friend."

"Elena,"

"No talking." I knew he was going to try to interrupt but I can't do this anymore. I'm running late and really I'm over this. "I'm done having this same conversation with you and Alaric and Bonnie and Caroline. I'm done explaining why I'm hanging out with Damon all the time. I'm done. If you all have a problem with it, that's your problem to deal with not mine. Now I'm late meeting Damon. Are we done here?"

Jeremy just stands there and nods. "I get it," are the only words that escape his mouth as he steps backwards into the house and closes the door. I stand there for a moment feeling liberated; free. There have been so many times I've wanted to tell everyone to back off and stop asking. I feel bad that it had to be Jeremy first but it had to be someone. Even though he says he gets it, he doesn't. No one gets it because if they did they wouldn't keep asking me the same questions over and over again. Shake it off, Elena. I tell myself and I climb into my car. In less than 20 minutes I'll be at the boarding house; my safe place, my sanctuary.

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><p>It's my birthday. There is a reason why I want to be alone. I hate my birthday. And who in their right mind would want to celebrate being 168 years old with no end in sight. Well with Klaus still lurking around and Stefan gone; this could very well be the last one I ever have to suffer through.<p>

I've been sitting in the living room since noon just drinking and watching the fire. Thinking about… well everything. Elena. Stefan. Klaus. Hybrids. And even sometimes Katherine. But I digress; nothing has changed in the last couple moments. Well that's not entirely true. Elena has given up on bringing Stefan home and for the most part I have too. Just because I gave up on Stefan doesn't mean I don't want him to come back someday. He's a dick but we are stuck together for an eternity; eventually he'll come back. He'll stop being an insufferable martyr and I'll kick his ass until he stops being such a douche.

I take another hard mouthful of the dark liquid and realize it's time for another bottle. Ric stopped over a couple hours ago to make sure I wasn't drowning in a bottle of whiskey. He was too late. It's not that I don't want to celebrate – it's just that it gets old. I keep getting older but I don't age – it's not something you really want to brag about when you still look 21 – it'll get you some nasty looks; especially from women. As I search the cabinet, I choose a bottle of bourbon. It's usually not advisable to switch between hard liquors but I say bring it on. I don't want to be able to stand.

As I take a taste from the bottle, I hear the ignition of a car turn off and I know who it is. I've come to recognize the sound of her car and on any other day it is a relief to know that she's finally here after not seeing her all day. I should have expected her to show up but does it make me a dick for not wanting to see her today. Probably but hey that's me. Damon Salvatore. Dick is usually my middle name. Or if you ask Bonnie or Caroline – it's my first name.

I can hear the click of her heels against the gravel as I move back to my spot on the couch. No need to pretend I've been doing anything productive today. The footsteps stop and I can hear her breathing on the outside of the door. She sounds nervous. I know creepy, how can I tell that from her breathing pattern? I'm a vampire. And I know Elena better than anyone. She's my friend.

I take another drink and adjust myself on the couch. She'll be in when she's ready though I have no idea what's she is waiting for. She stays here at least three nights a week; the other nights I try to spend at hers. It's what works for us. It has nothing to do with sex – that's not what this is about. We're just friends. It started as a protection routine. Stefan managed to piss off Klaus by stealing his brothers and sisters. Klaus threatened to kill everyone Stefan ever met and from there Elena and I started spending our nights together.

At the moment, it's been pretty much hybrid free in Mystic Falls. Klaus got some sort of lead about where Stefan has been keeping his family and took off after him. He leaves every couple of weeks long enough for us to have some sense of normalcy but in reality, it's only temporary. Klaus has only kept Elena alive because he needs her to build his undead hybrid army. And for some reason he keeps me alive; probably because I'd rather die than see any harm come to Elena. I've learned my lesson about trying to force a choice on her – instead I'm all for going down in a blaze of glory to keep her safe.

I finally hear the door knob turn and I wait for her to find me. I hear heels click along the floor as she moves the door back to its closed position. I don't even look up at her as she stops on the steps leading into the living room. "Come to watch me drown in my sorrows?" I take another drink before she can answer.

"I came to join the party," she comments as her heels move closer to the couch. She stops just short of being within my immediate reach. "I even bought you another bottle." I can hear the liquid move as she shakes the bottle over my head.

"Are you trying to re-gift me? I have enough," I say shaking the half bottle of bourbon back at her. "I've been at this since lunch and have a whole cabinet to get through."

I turn my head to look at the annoyed face she is undoubtedly making at me. My breath gets caught as I take her in. She is gorgeous everyday but tonight – she looks exquisite. My eyes travel from her black heeled ankle boots up her legs in those dark denim jeans to the black blazer she wears. I notice the top underneath is new. Her clothes are hugging her curves in all the right places. Oh Damon, I think to myself, your drunk and this could turn out to be trouble. I finally move my gaze to her face. Her chocolate browns meet with my intense stare and I have no words. _We're just friends_, I manage to tell myself.

"What? Is there something on my face?" She asks as she starts touching her face with her hands.

I place the bottle of bourbon down on the floor before standing to meet her. I reach my hands up to grab hers, moving them from her face down to rest linked between us. "You look incredible."

She releases the grasp and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yeah well you look like you've had a lot better days," she jokes as she moves towards the fireplace.

"Yeah well," I rub my left hand through my hair and the other I rest on my hip. I'm not the one who gets tongue tied. I have a lot of great one-liners. But here I am with a perfect opening to say something that's trademark Damon and nothing comes out. I'm choking here. _We're just friends_, I repeat.

"You okay?" She asks without turning back towards me. She has both hands stretched out to take in the warmth of flames. It's a good thing she's not looking at me right now. I feel like a tool. Shake it off, Salvatore.

Speak. "Cool as a cucumber." She chuckles as I reach down for the bottle of bourbon.

"So," she says turning to me. I take a swig of the bottle as I raise my eyebrows at her; encouraging her to continue. She tucks her hands into the front pockets of her jeans, "I guess a happy…"

"Nope, we aren't doing this." I take another drink and sit down on the couch.

"Damon."

"Elena."

"Okay," she concedes as she sits down on the floor at my feet. "I'll pretend that this isn't a day where we should be having a cake and wearing party hats…"

"Since when was there ever going to be party hats?" I ask as I lean towards her.

"Seriously?" She asks as I take another drink of the bourbon. "If Caroline knew there was a chance she could throw another party here… let's just say you should be glad I was alone when Ric told me."

"Touché. Vampire Barbie does like to throw a party," I agree as a small smirk spreads across her face. I love seeing her smile. "So what now?"

"We drink," she says as she grabs the bottle out of my hands and brings the mouth to her lips. She lifts the bottle up and takes a small sip. Her faces crunches as the liquid moves down her throat; it burns as it moves through her but she doesn't complain. She looks incredible tonight. I don't know what it is but it's like I'm seeing her for the first time again. I'm putting up my best Damon bravado but the reality is she is making me nervous. The idea of us drinking together… on my birthday, while she looks like this… it's a really bad plan. But I digress – I'm a masochist.

"Well you better stick to your own bottle, Champ." I say as I grab the bourbon back out of her grasp. "The bourbon is mine," I state with a smirk on my face.

"Fair enough," she smiles back at me before she reaches behind her to retrieve the bottle of whiskey she brought. She takes the bottle in her lap and twists off the top. She grabs the neck of the bottle and brings the brim to her lips. She takes a hard gulp before setting it down in her lap. "I like the whiskey better anyways."

"To a night we'll never remember," I decide to toast as I raise the bottle of bourbon to her. She takes the bottle of her whiskey and gently touches it to the neck of mine. The back of our hands brush against each other; every fiber of my being is on fire. My eyes meet hers and I know she felt it too.

"And to the moments we'll never forget." We both raise the bottles to our lips and intake a long, hard taste. I'll never say it to Elena but I am terrified of where this will go. We're just friends, I tell myself one more time as we both take another drink from our bottles.

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><p>Read &amp; Review!<p>

There is nothing better than getting a review - even if its bad. It helps me grow as a writer & helps progress the story. At the moment the plan is 3 chapters total - we'll see how this is received and go from there.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing.

A/N: Thanks for all your lovely reviews! Its really inspiring to see so many people interested in this story. I hope you enjoy this next part. You should all know that this chapter had a completely different outline & outcome but I started writing & got this instead. I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out. I feel like I have one more chapter to wrap up this version of Damon & Elena's story. So enjoy this & I'll get the last part out soon! :)

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><p>I'm drunk.<p>

Yeah, I'm definitely without a doubt drunk lying on the floor of Damon's living room. I should have known when I came over here earlier mass amounts of drinking would be involved but I wasn't prepared for this. Somehow I've managed to ingest an entire bottle of whiskey… and it wasn't a small bottle either. I have no idea how I'm still conscious. Meanwhile, Damon is about to finish his third bottle of bourbon. Seriously, how can he even function?

We've been drinking in silence for hours. When I was finished, I laid down on the floor afraid to move because of the spinning. Throwing up in front of Damon wasn't exactly on my list of things to do tonight. Honestly, whiskey in any amounts gets me drunk. I should be in a hospital bed getting my stomach pumped after the amount I've had. What the hell was I thinking? Oh yeah trying to make Damon happy on his birthday.

Screw the silence. I'm over it. "How'd we get here?"

"You choose the floor," he answers as he pats the bottom of my leg.

I move my feet off the edge of the couch. If I'm going to attempt to sit up now I need all my limbs on the floor first. I place my palms flat on the floor and slowly lift my upper body. The room is spinning but not as much as before. I think I'm starting the sobering process. "I didn't mean at this very moment." I manage to maneuver my body and I am now sitting crossed legged on the floor now. The room really needs to stop spinning. Soon enough I concede. "I meant how did all this get down to you and me?"

He stops staring at the ceiling and turns to face me. "Bad luck?" I raise my eyebrow at him. He's not being serious. I want to be serious. I'm the worst kind of drunk; the kind that wants to get serious and have deep conversations once I start to sober. "I don't know Elena. It just happened that way."

"I think it was supposed to happen this way." And why did I say that? Damn it Elena. You should really just stop talking. You are moving into dangerous territory.

"You're drunk and apparently, you're a really bad one." Damon sits up on the couch and moves to sit directly in front of me. He raises one of his hands and places his cool palm against my right cheek. I move my face into it. His touch feels amazing. I never want his hand to leave my face. "I think you need to get some sleep." He moves his hand away and I feel the contours of my face convert to a pout. I don't usually pout but damn it I'm not completely sober.

"I'm not tired," I protest as he gathers up the empty bottles from the floor. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you."

"Hence you being a bad drunk," he comments as he places the four empty liquor bottles on the wet bar. He places his hands on his hips and looks over them quizzically. "How did we go through this much?"

"You drink like a fish?" I offer. He looks at me with raised eyebrows and I burst out in a fit of laughter. It's really not that funny but the look he's giving me right now… it's not the first time I've seen it but it's so much funnier when I've been drinking.

"Okay, you need sleep," he comes over to me, grabs my hands in his and lifts me to my feet.

"I'm sorry." I manage to let out as I get control of myself. Just breathe, I repeat over and over. "I didn't mean to laugh at you."

"Yes, you did," he says with a smirk as he brushes the hair out of my face. His touch is electrifying. It always is. I look up and my eyes get caught in the magic of his lips contoured into that perfectly sexy position. I love his smirk. It looks delicious. Oh my god Elena. Stop. You are just friends. Stop thinking like you are about to maul him. I quickly move my gaze and meet his eyes. "See something you like?" He remarks in that completely inappropriate yet perfectly Damon way. I step back because I almost can't stand to be near him. My heart is racing and I'm starting to sweat. "Easy killer. Let me take you upstairs."

He reaches for me and I step back again. "No… no… no one is going upstairs." I stammer when I'm nervous. It's Damon – I shouldn't be this tense.

He steps towards me again and again I step back. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," I lie as I push my hair behind my ears. "I'm just not going upstairs with you."

"Elena, let's be serious." He takes another step towards me and I back away for the third time. "I haven't tried to take advantage of you yet, I'm not going to start when you're still drunk."

"Why not?" Wait, what? What did you just do Elena? We both stand there; afraid to move. He just stands there wide eyed, eyebrows raised, at a complete loss for words. I don't know what to say. I have to say something. I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Did I?

Only minutes past but it feels like an entirety. Say something Elena. Say something before he does. "That came out wrong." His face turns from shock into tragic disappointment. Damn it. Now I'm really sweating. I start pacing across the floor. The room has finally stopped spinning but I'm thinking it has less to do with my journey to sobriety than it does with my sudden inappropriate questions. "Wait, I don't know…"

"Its fine Elena," he says in a defeatist tone as he walks towards the liquor cabinet. "We all say things we don't mean when we're drunk." So much for your plan to make Damon happy on his birthday Elena. Way to freaking go. Note to self: no more trying to be a hard ass and match Damon's drinking habits.

I stop pacing and watch wordlessly as he opens another bottle of bourbon. I take a deep breath and walk towards him. Before his lips meet the bottle I grab the neck to stop him. He just looks at me hopelessly confused by my actions. "Stop."

"Stop what Elena?" his voice is hard, almost unforgiving. What have I done? I didn't mean to ruin everything. I wasn't trying to have this conversation tonight. At least I thought I wasn't. Damn whiskey and the illusion of courage it gives me. This was supposed to be about being a silent, supportive friend to Damon. How did this night get this out of control?

"Stop drinking so we can talk about this."

He rips the bottle neck away from my grasp and walks toward the fire place. "I really don't need to listen to you tell me how much our friendship means to you Elena." He takes a hard drink from the bottle. How can I fix this?

"Why are you making this so freaking difficult?" I yell.

"Uh oh, I better watch it before you start saying what you really mean." He takes another taste and looks at me disgusted. "Just go upstairs and sleep it off Elena." It's the way he looked at me after I told him it would always be Stefan – right before he broke Jeremy's neck. If we can come back from that then we can come back from this.

I take a deep breath before speaking again. "I'm wearing black underwear." Shit. What are you doing Elena?

"Wow!" He says as he shakes his head in disbelief. "Where the hell did that come from?"

"I don't know why I just said that." Who is this talking? This isn't me. I don't talk like this to anyone. Especially not Damon. What is going on with me right now? "Caroline said…"

"Okay, you can stop there. Anything that starts with _Vampire Barbie said_ isn't reassuring." He leaves the bottle of bourbon in his hand by his side as he steps towards me. "Don't take her advice about anything."

"Damon, I…" He's so close to me I can feel his hot breath. It smells of bourbon and his signature sent. I can't help myself anymore. I need to come clean about how I feel – how I've been feeling. I've just been too afraid to wreck what we have. The truth is that I need to stop being scared. Maybe it's because I've spent the last couple hours lying on the floor as the whiskey settled into my blood stream thinking about everything and how we got here. We aren't just friends.

"You need to go upstairs, black underwear and all, so you can get some sleep.'' He says as he brushes his free hand along the length of my arm – from my elbow to my finger tips. His touch burns me to my core. I wonder if he notices how my body quivers at his touch.

He turns on his heel and walks back towards the fireplace. The flames are barely burning now. Unfortunately, this conversation is heading in the opposite direction; about to go up in flames. I take a deep breath and pray that I can recover from the trail of embarrassment I'm leaving behind every word that comes out of my mouth. "Are you still in love with me?" And let the humiliation continue.

He doesn't turn to look at me. He just places his free hand on the mantle as if he's trying to keep himself from collapsing. I should be the one trying to hold myself up here. "Elena, I'm begging you to stop talking and go upstairs."

My heart is breaking into a million pieces and I don't even know why. I should have expected this. Feelings change. I should know that better than anyone. Damon changed his mind. It sucks but at least I know that we really are just friends. I was wrong. "I guess that's my answer." I feel my tear ducts start to swell. I have to leave before he sees me cry. I won't cry in front of him – not about this. I turn around and start to leave. I really want to go home but I'm in no condition to drive. How did this whole night get so screwed up? I can feel the tears escaping the safety of my eyes. Don't cry, I keep telling myself as I start to climb the stairs.

I'm half way up when I hear glass shatter. It startles me but instead of going to check on him I swallow hard and continue my way upstairs so I can sleep.

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><p>Happy fucking birthday to me!<p>

Why do I have to be such a dick?

I did not mean to upset her. I sure as hell did not want to make her cry. But that's what she's doing right now. She's in my room crying on my bed in black lingerie. God damn it Damon. Stop thinking like a dick. You would think that after what just happened she would have picked one of the other bedrooms – nope, she still chose mine. Probably because despite the fact that I was a complete asshole to her - she still wants to be friends in the morning. Why is she so damn forgiving?

This is not how this night was supposed to go.

And now I'm out of a nearly full bottle of bourbon – and it was from a good year. Fuck. Well being overcome by anger usually ends up with something getting thrown into the fireplace. This time it just happened to be my bourbon. Why couldn't I just man up and tell her the truth? The truth. I have not had the balls to tell her _the truth_ in months because I did not want to move to fast. She was in love with my brother. I couldn't force her into something when the timing wasn't right. It's been eight months; she finally opens up and I shut down. What is wrong with me?

I'm so frustrated with myself. I take my hands and throw them, with full force, across the wet bar. Everything falls to the floor and shatters into hundreds of tiny shards as the remnants of the liquor seep into the dark oak. I run my hands violently over my face over and over; hoping against hope that I can figure out what to do next.

I'm no good at this shit. There is a reason why I spent 145 years loving a woman that never loved me. I'm a masochist. Then there was Caroline a puppet. Rose was convenient. Andie was a compelled distraction. My track record with relationships or lack thereof, is a train wreck. I have no right to add Elena to that list. I would never do that to her intentionally but that's how it everything ends for me – badly.

I can't help the fact that I fell in love with her. I can't pinpoint the moment it happened; it was probably the moment I first saw her in the cemetery writing in her journal. I knew she was going to change my existence – I just didn't realize how. How did I get here? Apparently that's the million dollar question tonight. I move back to the couch and sit down. I really don't know what else to do. I need to apologize to her but fuck if I know what to say. I don't do this relationship stuff but for Elena...

I look over and see her blazer hanging over the arm of the couch. I grab it and bring it into my lap. She looked stunning tonight. Even though she didn't say it – she got dressed up for me. Elena doesn't wear heels – she's more comfortable in sneakers; which is actually a good thing given the number of times she tends to have to run away from some evil psychopath trying to kill her. How did I screw this up?

Really it was only a matter of time. I rub my hands over her blazer hoping to get struck with some inspiration. We've spent almost two years riding this emotional roller coaster and eventually we had to get off. I guess I wasn't ready for it to stop. I've always been the one pushing her to remember that she feels something for me; that she can't ignore it forever. Why am I the one pushing her away now?

Probably because I never thought this day would actually come. I never thought that she would really let go of Stefan. Maybe a part of me still believes that it'll always be Stefan for her. I told myself, after I almost died when that dick werewolf bit me, that I would let her be the one to choose me. It finally happened – at least I think that's what was happening – and I screwed it up. I know she's not Katherine. But I can't face letting her in and have her break my heart. I know what a joke. Damon Salvatore can't get his heart broken. Not true. I've already been ripped apart by one Petrova – I don't think I could handle it again. That's really why I'm making this so _freaking difficult_.

I listen intently and realize the crying has stopped. She's not sleeping yet. Her breathing is uneven – she's probably just sobbing now. I'm such an asshole. I need to go talk to her. I need to make this right. I don't know what I'm going to say but I figure if I start talking the words will follow; sounds good in theory anyway.

Keeping her blazer in hand, I make it from the living room to the doorway to my bedroom in less than three seconds. I stop and take in the moment. She is curled in the fetal position facing away from me hugging a pillow. It's a moment I hate that I created. I'm such a dick. The sight of her in my bed is something I never take for granted. Even though we've shared the same bed for four months, it always surprises me how comfortable and natural it feels to see her in my bed; like this was how it was supposed to be all along.

I step forward and she looks over her shoulder at me. Her mascara is running down her cheeks and her eyes are swollen from the tears that invaded her ducts. She doesn't like to cry. It means she is vulnerable and she tries so hard not to be. She's never looked more beautiful. "That's my blazer," she whispers as she turns her face away from me again.

"You're ruining my favorite pillow." I comment as I make my way closer. Reigniting the banter that defines our relationship is as good of start as any.

"Yeah well you hog all the pillows at my house." That was easier than I thought.

"Touché." I remark as I pass the end of my bed. I place her blazer down before going to the other side so I can see her face. She looks broken and it sucks that I made her that way. "Permission to come aboard?"

"It's your bed." She doesn't have to say _I can't stop you_. It's unspoken but I know it lingers at the tip of her tongue. She hugs the pillow closer to her chest as I climb onto my bed. I sit on my left leg and let my right hang lazily off the side. Her gaze doesn't meet mine; she is focusing her chocolate brown eyes on the tear stained pillow instead.

There is a long drawn out silence that blankets the room. It's suffocating and I can't stand it. "You know I don't apologize because basically I'm always right…"

"Damon," she says as she rolls her eyes. I can't see her do it but I know her tone and it always is accompanied by an eye roll.

"I'm sorry Elena. I didn't mean to upset you." It's the sincerest tone I have and I hope she really hears me.

"I'm sorry too," she says as she maneuvers her body to an upright position. "I shouldn't have said anything I did. I ruined your birthday."

"You didn't ruin it. It was doomed to be wrecked by something," I adjust my body so I'm leaning against the headboard. "It's my curse."

"I don't know what happened," she is speaking animatedly with her hands. She is sober now. It makes the prospect of this conversation easier because I know whatever is said now – it's not going to be the whiskey talking. "I crossed a line."

"I know. Telling me you're wearing black underwear." I raise my eyebrows suggestively at her and narrow my gaze. It drives her crazy when I do this. It makes me want to do it more. "Were you trying to take advantage of me on my birthday?" She takes the pillow from her lap and throws it at me. I take it as a good sign.

"Can we not relive every humiliating thing I said?"

"We could not but what fun would that be?" She gives me a look – it's her single raised eyebrow accompanied by thin lips and chocolate brown eyes stare straight into mine. "Okay fine. But are you really wearing black underwear?" She reaches over, grabs the pillow between us and hits me with it; definitely a good thing.

There are a few moments of silence before she hesitantly starts again. "So…"

"So what does Caroline have to do with your black underwear?"

"Damon!" She says as she hits me again. This is actually turning back into a great night.

"I'm sorry but I have to know what Vampire Barbie has to do with you wearing black lingerie."

"You can't laugh." I raise my hand and show her the cub scouts sign for honor; it's my peace offering. "Caroline has this insane theory that women only wear black lingerie if they plan on having sex."

"Everyone knows that." I say furrowing my brows.

"No they don't," she tries to protest. "It's a stupid theory she probably got from Cosmo."

"And having lived for 168 years I can tell you it may not be fact but it is a state of mind." She stares straight into my eyes and I can tell she is really listening to me. She is also trying to hide her embarrassment because the situation is still awkward; despite the humor I'm trying to bring to it. "Women feel sexier in black lingerie – it makes them feel dangerous, dirty. It's empowering for you all."

She holds my gaze for a moment longer before shifting her eyes back down to the bed. "Well I just feel embarrassed and stupid."

"Just blame the whiskey." She doesn't respond immediately. I have a feeling she wants to say something that shifts the blame from the whiskey. She'll no longer have a free pass on her actions and all the lines we are crossing if she speaks up. "I blame the bourbon for me being an ass."

"You're always an ass." She smiles at me.

"And I always drink bourbon." I return her smile with a smirk. "Want another drink?"

"I think we've both had enough," she answers quickly as she climbs off the bed. "I'm going to wash my face," she states as she walks towards my bathroom on the other end of the room.

I nod. "I'll give you a few minutes." I climb off the bed and heads towards the door.

"No more bourbon," she yells over the running water.

I don't respond. I just smile and make my way slowly downstairs. I enter the living room and see the ruins of the calamity that was hurricane Damon. A drawn out sigh escapes my lips and start cleaning up the broken glass. I can't believe what this night has brought out in both Elena and I. She has grown up a lot. She has this fire in her that I noticed before but now it burns brightly for everyone to see. She stopped caring what people thought of her actions and started doing things for herself. She stopped being a teenager and became this extraordinary, capable woman. Somewhere along the way, she chose not to let Klaus or Stefan or any other supernatural thing control her life.

I hear her footsteps descending but I don't turn to look for her. I just stick to the task at hand; cleaning up the broken glass. She makes it into the living room as I pick up the last of the pieces. "Coming back to the scene of the crime?"

She takes a few more steps as a dump the rest of the glass shards into a trash bag. "The fire is almost out." I look over and she's standing in front of the fireplace watching the flames die on the last of the logs.

"Looks like it," I place the bag on top of the wet bar. "We should probably just let it burn out." I say as I walk over to her. I join her in front of the dying embers and stand at her side. She glances over and smiles; I return the gesture. Silence again.

"We could," she finally says, "but it's much more interesting to watch when it's burning. Don't you think?"

"Elena…" I start but I don't know what to say.

"It's okay," she interrupts, "that you don't love me anymore." I look over at her in disbelief. She turns her body towards me and I do the same. "I just thought…"

"Do you really believe that?" I can't begin to process what I'm hearing from her. I take her hands into mine and bring them to rest on my chest. Her eyes gaze up and lock with mine. "I know how I feel. You know how I feel. The only thing that matters now is how you feel and…" In that very second, in the midst of my big speech, everything changed. And it was all her choice.

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><p>I did not know what I was doing until it happened. Something about tonight – it awakened my feelings for Damon. It brought them front and center to their boiling point. I had no idea when I came downstairs after pulling myself together that I would be bold enough to make this move. I did not plan it. It just happened.<p>

There we were standing in front of the fire talking about the fire burning out and I realized I had to tell him how I felt – even if our fire was already put out. I wasn't ready to let even the chance pass me by – he had to know the truth – even if it was too late.

-Flashback-

"_It's okay," I interrupt before he can say another word, "that you don't love me anymore." I don't want him to apologize for his feeling changing. I understand. I look at Damon and he's staring back at me in utter disbelief. I turn towards him and his response is to mirror my movement. "I just thought…"_

"_Do you really believe that?" He questions. I thought he made himself clear earlier when he told me to stop talking and sleep it off. I guess I was wrong. He takes my hands gently into his and rests them against his chest. I move my gaze up and get lost in his eyes. "I know how I feel. You know how I feel." He still loves me. I can see it in his eyes, in his face. I can hear the sincerity in his words. He keeps talking but I can no longer make sense of the words. He still has more to say but I stop him; finally crossing that line. _

-End of Flashback-_  
><em>

I crash my lips into his and for a moment neither of our mouths knows how to respond. His lips against mine; it's the closest thing to ecstasy I have ever felt. In that moment, nothing else matters. I move my lips and his move against mine. It's a passionate struggle; the need for us to taste each other in a way we've been denying ourselves for months overpowers all thought and reason. By arms snake around his neck and I dig my fingers into his raven locks. His hands cup my face with urgency as our kiss deepens. His tongue pushes against my lips and I part to grant him access. Our tongues dance to a rhythm that is brand new. His lips against mine. His tongue intertwined with mine. It's intoxicating. I never want it to stop.

Damon slows the kiss. His tongue leaves mine. His lips move away from mine. I'm immediately saddened by this. I've had a taste of him and I'm hungry for more. He rests his forehead against mine. Our entangled bodies peel apart. Our hands find each other. We link our fingers and let them fall between us. We are both breathless. I open my eyes and see an uncertain smirk spread across his lips. He moves his mouth to talk but I need to speak first. "Elena…" my name escapes his lips.

I move our foreheads apart and my eyes search for his. His eyes shift back and forth across my face looking for an explanation. My eyes lock in his – it's an intense stare and leaves all our cards on the table. "I'm in love with you."I finally say. Its more than three simple words; it needed to be. There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I'm in love with Damon.

He leans in and lays a simple chaste kiss on my lips before pulling away again. He takes a backwards and lets our linked hands break apart. We stare at each other, struggling to catch our respective breaths. I just want to kiss him again. When can we start that again? Will we start it again? Did I screw this up? "Damon…"

"Are you sure about this?" he asks as he places his hands resting purposefully on his hips.

I think about how I want to say this before I answer. It's hard to put into words how badly I want him; I need him. How else do you tell someone that you are in love with them? That you want to be with them every night; that your friendship evolved along the way. That as much as we've both pretended this is only platonic that it couldn't have been farther from the truth.

"Elena?" he calls my name out; still waiting for my answer.

"I've been lying to everyone for months about how I feel about you. Everyone thinks that I'm in way over my head but they don't know you like I do." He raises his eyebrows at that. It's the truth. No more lies. "They don't laugh with you. They aren't there when we stay up all night talking – about, what like everything. They don't get you, Damon but I do." I walk towards him to close the gap between us. He's too far away from me right now.

"You do realize there is a chance that this will all go down in flames? Even if this is what you really want we have all this crap hanging over our heads. Klaus. Stefan."

"This isn't about them. This is about how for four months you've held me every night and never once tried to take advantage of me." He takes my hands into his and we both stare as they effortlessly link together. They fit perfectly together. "This is about how you always choose me. And right now the only thing I want to do is kiss you."

"Elena," he says bringing his forehead to rest against mine. "When I kiss you again, I'm not going to be able to stop."

"Then don't," I whisper. He leans down and crashes his lips against mine. The lines that were so carefully drawn before are now a blur. Or maybe they weren't as clear as I thought.

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><p>Read &amp; Review!<p>

Let me know what you think! I have one more chapter left in me to wrap up this journey for Delena!

I'll update soon :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

**A/N:** Sorry its been a week since my last update. I outlined this chapter and tried writing it all week but it just wasn't happening. Last night I started fresh with no outline and this happened. This was not how this chapter was supposed to happen but it did. I thought this would be the last chapter but turns out the Damon & Elena have more of a story to tell then I thought. I hope you like this - again since it wasn't my intention to continue past this I don't know how I feel about it but I'm happy enough to share with all of you. Enjoy :)

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><p>I take a deep breath and roll over in my bed. Instinctively, I reach to pull her body back into mine; my hand connects directly with the Egyptian cotton instead. My eyes flutter open and they confirm what I already knew - she's gone. I take a deep breath and roll onto my back. Dragging my hands along the length of my face, the same word keeps repeating in my mind - <em>Shit<em>.

And her disappearing before I woke up is exactly why I asked her if she was sure. _Shit_. This is not how I wanted to start my day. Not today when at long last I was getting everything I wanted. Of course this is happening; I'm not supposed to have everything I want. The world as I know it would collapse in on itself.

I should have expected this. _Shit_. I'm such a dick. I should have been stronger; had more self control. She's the only person in the world that can make me weak; five words and a kiss. That's all it took. _Congratulations Damn. You managed to unequivocally ruin the one good thing in your life_. I throw my legs over the side of the bed and my feet meet the hardwood floor. The floor creaks under my weight. How did she sneak out without making a sound?

_Shit. This is not good_. Her lavender scent is still invading every pore of my body. I need to shower. I need to think. How can I even begin to fix this? _I can't_. That's the only answer... and it fucking blows. As my feet touch the cool bathroom tile, my eye catches a foreign object on the mirror. I flash over and examine it. Pulling the piece of paper off the glass, I decipher her script.

_Damon - _

_Sorry school. Be back later - promise._

_-Elena_

Immediately I feel like a weight is lifted from my shoulders. A smile pulls at the corners of my mouth as I reread the message. She didn't really sneak out. I'm just a dumbass that forgot that his birthday fell on a Thursday. At least that's what I'll tell myself until I see her again.

Putting the note safely next to the sink, I imagine what this morning must have been like for her. Waking up next to me is nothing she isn't used to but our limbs were tangled together when I drifted off. I could not get close enough to her; the intertwining was a feeble attempt to remove any space between us. I turn on the water and let a smirk escape my lips as I imagine her unknotting our extremities.

I feel the temperature and look back over towards the sink. I can't see the words that cover the green post-it from here but I don't need too; I've memorized each word. I shake my head and smile. She did not want me to think she changed her mind so she took the extra time to let me know where she was; she's incredible. Or maybe once she's had time to process the new us she'll want things to go back to how they were. Just friends. _Shit_.

As I step under the stream of hot water, I wonder what time it is. How many more hours do I have to wait to see her again? How long before we can talk about what all this means? I close my eyes and tilt my head back under the steady stream. As I run my hands through my raven locks, I replay every moment of last night over in my mind; questioning if at any point I could have stopped myself.

* * *

><p>I have not been able to focus on a single thing today.<p>

My body is here but my mind... It's like I'm having an out of body experience. I'm sitting here in fourth period history just like any other day. I can see Alaric writing furiously across the black board but I can't make out any of the words. I have no idea what the lecture today is about. Actually, I have no idea what we did in AP English either; or anything I may have had the chance to learn today. _Shit_. I should have stayed in bed.

Mentally, I'm so far away from this place it's astonishing. I usually have life and death matters on the brain; nothing new for a doppelganger. But today it's about Damon. Damon and I; how are things ever going to be the same with us. They won't. _Shit._ I took a gigantic risk last night; saying I am in love with him. Kissing him.

My hand is rested lazily on my neck as I stare directly through Ric; I can't see anything but flashes from last night. I can still feel Damon's hot breath on the base of my neck. I shiver at the memory. His lips leaving a trail down my spine. An audible moan breaks free from my lips. _Shit_.

For the first time today, I can concentrate on my surroundings and it's because everyone is staring at me. I didn't mean to do that. "Sorry." I manage to spit out as I lower my body in my desk; desperately wishing I could disappear. I can feel the blood rushing to my face as pale turns crimson. Then the laughing starts and another wave of embarrassment continues to wash over me.

Alaric just stares at me with his hands on his hips. He looks irritated and disturbed - but mostly the former. "Knock it off," he shouts as my peers fall silent and turn back towards him. "Let's get back to the Italian renaissance. Where was I... oh yeah, Bramante designed St. Peter's..."

Again I stop listening. I mouth _'thank you'_ to him and he just nods; continuing with his lecture. He knows I wasn't home this morning when he left for school. When I looked at my phone I had six missed calls. Ten missed texts. All from this morning. All from him. Oops. I didn't mean to leave my phone in the car. I was just nervous about Damon's birthday. And from the events that transpired I had a right to be.

I cannot stop reliving every second of last night.

I still feel his hands twisted deep in my hair; my fingers in his. The memory is so fresh; so new. I feel his hand against my skin and my body ignites. The bell rings; giving me a break from my thoughts. The room is empty by the time I feel I have enough balance to stand. It's just me and Ric now. _Shit_. I walk cautiously up to his desk. His back is towards me as he drags the eraser chaotically across the board; his words of knowledge - or gibberish in my case today - vanished in an instant.

"I should have called," I offer as I tuck my hands into the end of my sleeves. He doesn't say anything. He is just repeating the motion even though the words are long gone. "To be fair this isn't the first time I've spent a school night at Damon's." Still nothing. I might as well be talking to a wall. I might get a better response. "I'll try to remember to call." He doesn't answer. I nod and start to walk towards the door.

"Damn it Elena," he yells as he slams the eraser on the ledge. I stop mid-step and twist towards him. He turns to me and we make eye contact. "Whatever you and Damon are doing - it needs to stop."

"Excuse me?" Is he serious? He has to be kidding. Alaric can't tell me what to do.

"I've told Damon to take a beat more times than I can count," he says as he walks to the front of his desk. He stops a few feet from me as my eyes search his face to get a sense for his reasoning. "Now I'm telling you. Last night..."

"Was his birthday." I finish for him. I will defend Damon; and my choice. It's nothing I'm not used to doing at this point. "And you told me to go over there."

"Damon is not good for you Elena." Direct. Honest. To the point. Just like Jeremy was last night.

I cross my arms across my chest and take a deep breath. I really just want to scream _'Screw you Ric. You don't know what you are talking about'_. It's probably better I don't act like a spoiled brat whose father is threatening to take away her car keys. I'll try to take the high road here; the mature one. "So, it's okay for you to be friends with him but not me?"

"Elena, this isn't about you two being friends and you know it."

Alaric is right. I should have known this was coming. I just was not prepared to deal with all this today; right at this moment. I'm still processing everything that happened. Damon's fingers locked into mine. _Stop Elena_. _Focus_. I shake my head, clearing the inappropriate thoughts, before I start again. "I'm not going to stop staying over there," I say as I drop my arms to my side.

He keeps his hands placed firmly on his hips as he looks at me; shaking his head in response. "This is going to end badly. You know that right?" He asks with an outstretched hand.

I shrug my shoulders and let out a sigh. "Maybe." It's all I have left to say. I can stand here until I'm out of breath trying to justify my decision to continue to have Damon in my life but it's not going to change anything. Alraic won't stop trying to look after me; I know he feels that he owes Jenna that. He just needs to stop trying to save me from this. Damon may be his friend but in the grand scheme of things in means nothing. Damon is still a dick. I know it. Ric knows it. Everyone knows it.

"You deserve better than Damon."

I nod in agreement and smile. "He tells me the same thing. Maybe you're both right." I concede. "The funny thing is that my feelings for him don't take into account his _worthiness_." I add air quotes as I stress the word. It's such a stupid word to describe a person.

How do you even measure a person's worth?

"Elena," he starts as the door opens and a fresh batch of students file in.

"I better go before I miss lunch." I turn on my heel and push my way to the hall. I break free from the crowd and lean against the metal lockers across the hall. The coolness is soothing against my skin. I close my eyes and all I can see is Damon's hand brushing the hair out of my face as he hovers over me. I can feel his finger tips caress my check. I can feel his eyes studying every contour of my face; as if he's seeing me for the first time. _Shit_.

I take a deep breath and move the memory to the back of my mind. I can think more about this later. I open my eyes and find myself alone. I'm determined to finish this day on a normal note. Lunch with Bonnie and Caroline will be a good precursor. I make my way down the hall towards the cafeteria as I say a silent prayer. _Please get me through this lunch in one piece; physically and emotionally._

* * *

><p>It's only 12:30.<p>

I'm slowly running out of things to distract me. Again usually not a big deal; I've spent a hundred plus years keeping myself occupied. I just cannot stop thinking about last night; about how it changes everything.

Ripping the tab off the blood bag, I pour the contents into a glass. I miss drinking the real thing. I'm a vampire; drinking fresh blood, as the heart continues to pump it effortlessly through the body, is an indescribable high. I have not had fresh blood like that since Andie. Poor girl. She didn't deserve to die. Stefan is a douche. I've thought about holding a grudge about that but honestly why waste my time. He'll do enough self loathing to outlast an Original.

Sitting on the couch sipping at my lunch, I indulge in the irony; it was not supposed to be like this. I was never supposed to stay in Mystic Falls. I also never imagined falling so deeply in love with anyone; let alone Stefan's girlfriend. I'm pathetic. She isn't Stefan's girlfriend anymore; hasn't been for months. He left her. She let him go.

I_'m in love with you._

I'll never let go of those five words; for as long as I live they will always mean everything to me. When she told me that taking this step wasn't about Stefan or Klaus I breathed a sigh of relief. This was about us. How I always wanted it to be. I never wanted it to be tainted with her regret.

_Then don't._

Two words that gave me permission to kiss her and not stop. We stood in front of the fire for a long while just enjoying the taste of each other. Our tongues exploring the new territory; fighting to conquer each other. I pulled away to let her catch her breath. She keep her chocolate eyes locked in my icy blue as she started to fiddle with the buttons on my shirt. I grab her hands into mine to stop her; slow her down. It was all moving so fast I didn't want to rush her.

_I want you Damon._

She looked deep into my eyes as she breathlessly let out four more words I've been longing to hear. Immediately I brought my lips to hers. As our mouths moved in sync, she continued unfastening while my fingers got lost in her brunette locks. She finished her quest and broke free from our hungry kiss. She brought her finger tips to my forehead and lazily moved them along the length of my face; I closed my eyes at her touch. Her fingers continued down my neck and my chest before resting on my abdomen.

I opened my eyes and she was staring at me again. I felt her hand grab mine as she lead me out of the living room. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs; hesitating again. I've never been so nervous in my life; not about sex. It's really the only thing I've excelled at in my lifetime. I'm good at it; really good. Or so I've been told a time or two. I was anxious last night because it was never about just sex with Elena. If it was, I would have just taken her on the living room floor.

_Damon, I've never been more sure about anything_. She assured me as she leaned down from the step and touched her lips against my cheek. _Trust me._

Lost in my thoughts and fresh memories, I shut out the outside world. Just for a few minutes, I wanted to relive every step leading up to making love to Elena.

"You're losing your touch." I will always recognize his voice. "I could have walked in here and drove a stake right through your heart."

I look over and see the only person who could have ruined this day for me. "Stefan."

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><p>So... what do you think?<p>

This was not where I was orginally going with this but hey sometimes the characters take over.

Read & Review!

Next chapter soon :)


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